My Completely Original Guardian of the Hunter's Story
by ChrysosArgentum
Summary: The best version of a guauardian of the hunter's story you will ever read. Honestly. Feel free to flame/start a personal revolt I couldn't care less. This is not a personal slight on anybody. Warning; contains swearing.


**AN-A spoof-parody of the typical 'guardian of the hunter's' story, that I wrote because I was bored. I should mention this isn't a personal slight on any writer, and I do read and like _some_ GoH type stories, but nobody can deny they are often overdone, overdramatic and really repetative.**

**All The Best, C.A. xx**

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_The-Gauardian-of-the-Hunters-who-feels-depressed-a nd-decides-to-join-an-immortal-band-of-adolesent-g irls-who-hate-all-men-and-have-survived-without-an y-protection-for-many-millenia-but-now-a-job-is-op en-for-an-applicant-who-falls-in-love-with-a-maide n-goddess-who-gives-up-her-oath-to-be-with-him-and -they-all-live-happily-ever-after-whilst-killing-s ome-unbeatable-monsters-and-possibly-dying-then-be ing-resurrected-within-20mins-of-death._

One day Percy felt sad.

He had just finished a war (Gaia, Kronos, Afghanistan, burrito, take your pick.), and Annabeth (the love of his life in case you forgot that ) had left him for his brother/her work/she died.

He decided to kill himself.

Not to be outdone by anyone, he wanted to make an impression. Hanging was overrated, blood wounds were melodramatic, drugs were for softies. So he left to go to Olympus, walk into a meeting of the entire assembled council (even though it wasn't a solstice) and ask them to kill him.

Maybe he was just lazy.

Because he was Percy Jackson, Zeus wasn't outraged at his entrance into a private meeting, as the Lord Of The Sky had a soft spot for his brothers illegitimate, oath broken child.

All the goddesses in the room swooned at his astounding looks, even Artemis, because she thought he was very hot.

Aphrodite wanted to flirt with him, but he told her to fuck herself.

Zeus demanded that Artemis give him the hunters blessing (because he's that cool, and how else do you deal with a suicidal teen but make him immortal? Good luck now pal, try all you want, it won't work!) and allow him to become the Guauardian of the Hunters, a job that has never been needed in the past few millennia but now was absolutely crucial.

Percy (who in the presence of the moon goddess was no longer suicidal) accepted.

Artemis (and assorted other goddesses and several gods) swooned.

Apollo ground his teeth/seethed/growled/some-other-unnattractive-exp ression-of-annoyance-and-anger.

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At first the hunters bullied Percy.

Except Thalia, because they were good friends and talked about Annabeth and cookies and her obvious love for Nico.

Then they found out Percy could suddenly shoot with astounding accuracy that could-only-be-matched-by/was-better-than/was-nearl y-as-good-as Artemis/Apollo/Both.

He also looked/was more kick-ass/attractive/formidable using dual (not two, that's not a good enough vocabulary) hunting knives (like Artemis huh?) and decided to bin Riptide and use these instead.

Suddenly the Hunters loved him because he;

-Beat up a man/Hercules

-Brought Zoe back to life

-Could Hunt

-Insulted men/himself

-Cried about a broken heart

-Survived a Hellhound/Dracaenae/Zombie/Tin can/Apple/poodle/Cyclops attack that was meant-for-them/a-prank-on-him.

* * *

The next day Artemis looked at Percy.

He was hot.

Percy looked at Artemis.

She was hot.

Artemis decided to give up her ETERNAL maidenhood because he was to hot/she was jealous Aphrodite would steal him.

Percy decided to get over his heartbreak/depression and kiss her.

They kissed.

And kissed.

And killed monsters.

And kissed.

And fought in a war that had no plot, build-up, back-story or explanation-it was just there.

And kissed.

Percy proposed.

Apollo was angry.

Apollo attacked/tried to pull another Orion on Percy.

Percy lived, had a testosterone filled stand-off with a god.

Percy won the testosterone filled stand-off with the god.

Percy married Artemis.

Percy fought and killed an -impossible-to-kill-monster.

* * *

_If Annabeth did cheat on Percy;_

Percy kicks his-brother/Annabeth's-lover in the face.

_If Annabeth gave up Percy for her work;_

Artemis kicks Annabeth in the face and laughs because she won the hot Hero.

_If Annabeth died;_

Then she's never mentioned again.

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Finally;

There's a big wedding where;

Zeus cries.

Hades cries.

Everybody cries.

Thalia falls in love with her 12 year old cousin, but its okay because if Artemis isn't a maiden then who cares?

Ares and Aphrodite get punched in the face.

* * *

They all live happily ever after;

Thalia and Nico get engaged.

The Hunters start to fall in love.

Artemis gets pregnant just in time for a sequel.

THEY ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER THE END!

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**AN-****So that's it! Feel free to review, laugh, tell me why its not worthy or laughter, start a full on revolt because you doon't like my attitude, cry hysterically, flame me.**

**All the best, **

**ChrysosArgentum xxx**


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